Just do the thing already
Stop beating yourself up about the thing you need to do
If you were fortunate enough to be sharing a house with children during Covid, and particularly during the UK ‘first lockdown’ (March to June 2020), you probably experienced the joy of home-schooling.
And if your kids are anything like mine, you will have quickly gained a new and deep respect for teachers, and how on earth they manage to get kids to do work without screaming, cajoling, bribing, threatening or generally making everyone in the room feel horrible. I would not have made a good teacher and they do not get paid enough for the incredible job they do.
Anyway, one thing I noticed during this formative period was the lengths that at least one of my children would go to in order to avoid doing something they didn’t fancy, even if it was a very modest task and would unlock disproportionately generous rewards. ‘But I don’t want to!’ was a frequent slogan at the kitchen table, and became something of a Covid mantra.
I also noticed that I inwardly did this quite often myself at work. The feeling of my heart sinking was one I recognised when certain tasks would arrive in my Inbox at work. We all have some things that we like doing, and other things that feel like a chore. I get really excited by starting a new project; not so much with finishing it off and tying up the loose ends.
Over time, I came to realise that getting the job done, as effectively and as early as possible, was the path to least stress in my working day. The job wasn’t hanging over me; I’d done it well so I knew it wasn’t coming back to me for revisions; I could revel in my own smugness knowing that others still had to complete their equivalent work, and above all I could now spend my time doing something more rewarding, fun or worthwhile.
Basically, more work = less stress.
None of this is any more complicated than doing the thing you know to be right, but as with my angry babies, I was surprised at how large I would make a perceived obstacle, and the lengths I would go to to avoid doing what I knew to be the right thing, first time. Or to pretend it wasn’t there. Or to try and palm it off on someone else.
Just do the thing, then the thing is done.
I covered some of these ideas in a previous article, and particularly the way in which we all betray ourselves, avoiding doing the right thing even when we know what we should do.
Self-deception, or betrayal, is simply when you know the right thing to do, but you do something different, then construct a narrative around yourself to justify (or prove) why that was okay. And we all do it.
As I’ve said to my youngest many times, “you know what the right answer is, you just need to do it”.
The weightlifter and author Jerzy Gregorek coined the much-quoted phrase:
“Easy choices - hard life; hard choices - easy life”.
This applies to physical training but is equally applicable to relationships (in the sense that you need to do the work), saving money, and to doing a job properly.
I hate putting up blinds. But I know that if I don’t do it properly I’ll be doing it twice. So I take the time to do it properly even though that means a couple of hours of wailing and teeth-gnashing. And then at least when it’s done, it’s definitely done.
One trick to tackling things you don’t want to (and which you’re sure still need to be done) is to decide realistically how long they’re going to take; fix your mind on that time of day when it will be finished, and use that as your focal point. By three o’clock this will be done, and at that point I want to be looking at a job well done, not sitting with a nagging feeling that I didn’t do it properly.
This works even better with a small reward – by three o’clock I will be sitting down with tea and cake (which is generally true in any case), having done the job.
I still haven’t cracked this, by the way, but now if I don’t do the thing I should have done it feels much more like I’m consciously making a bad decision, rather than just laziness, carelessness or negligence. And that makes it a bigger hurdle to overcome. Like user interface design, it’s about making it as easy as possible for you to do the right thing, more often.
Of course, there’s something about setting realistic expectations for yourself and not flagellating yourself whenever you fail to meet the loftiest goals. But keep moving forward, focus on progress, not just punishment and self-loathing.
I’ve often reflected at work how easy it is to get a reputation as a slacker and to become the focus on unwanted management attention. As the old adage goes, reputations and trust are hard won and easily lost.
And as such I’ve always made sure that I do what’s expected of me and then a load more besides. If someone sets me a deadline, they know I will meet it; if they give me a task, they know it will get done to a high level and probably with added value.
And that means everyone leaves me alone. I have the same amount of work to do as anyone else, but getting it done early, and well, means I get less stress. No-one’s hassling me at deadline time, and if there are changes need to be made, I have plenty of time to get them done.
As it happens, I’m not naturally a slacker – I like to work hard, do well and make progress; I’m also an experienced leader so I tend so set the direction as often as I follow it. But if you were a slacker (or have the potential to be), this would be an important life lesson – if you want leaving alone, do the work, don’t hide from it.
Naturally, the self-righteousness I’ve displayed in the above paragraphs extends to my home life. I tend to get up earlier than the rest of the family, which means I can get several things done (or appear to) before others are up, and am already basking in the glow of my own smugness by the time everyone else arrives. I’m also therefore useless from about 9pm.
These principles also apply to running. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, I like running. But I don’t love every run and there are many times when I struggle to get out the door – or I find after a couple of miles I’m just not feeling it. In those situations the smart thing to do might be to sack it and go home, rather than flogging a dead horse.
But I know then that I’ll be feeling guilty (or at least a bit grubby) for the rest of the day, because I didn’t do the thing I was ‘supposed’ to have done. Whereas grinding out some kind of run, even if I don’t enjoy it much, means I’ll be glad I did, can embrace whatever else the day brings, and I’ll still be getting the physical and wellbeing benefits from it.
Ultimately, there’s no point in beating yourself up for not doing things you think you should (or someone else thinks you should). Doing the thing will usually lead to more peace of mind, a better feeling of fulfilment and getting more done.
Chris Williamson (@chriswillx), host of the Modern Wisdom podcast, posted this on X in June 2023, quoting an essay by Strangest Loop and it’s a list that I’ve come back to again and again:
https://strangestloop.io/essays/things-that-arent-doing-the-thing
Here is a list of things that are not doing the thing.
“Preparing to do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Scheduling time to do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Making a to-do list for the thing isn't doing the thing.
Telling people you're going to do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Messaging friends who may or may not be doing the thing isn't doing the thing.
Writing a banger tweet about how you're going to do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Hating on yourself for not doing the thing isn't doing the thing.
Hating on other people who have done the thing isn't doing the thing.
Hating on the obstacles in the way of doing the thing isn't doing the thing.
Fantasising about all of the adoration you'll receive once you do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Reading about how to do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Reading about how other people did the thing isn't doing the thing.
Reading this essay isn't doing the thing. The only thing that is doing the thing is doing the thing.”
So stop prevaricating, and stop moaning. Spend less time worrying about whether you look effective and more time just being effective. Be kind to yourself, but don’t let yourself off the hook.
Stop stressing about the things you need to do, and do them, taking the most unpleasant-looking job first.
Just do the thing.